Monday, 25 April 2016

Love The Haters

I've been doing a lot of thinking in the last few days. Becca and I took the rather unconventional decision of seeing if we could help our floundering financial position by doing some crowdfunding.

98% of the people who commented were supportive, and some vehemently so. And people pledged money too, which is just breathtaking. However one person was really shocked and clearly annoyed at me for making such a request. I was able to answer back calmly and reasonably constructively, but it has really got me thinking about values, and our perception of other peoples values too.

Obviously it is immensely encouraging to receive all the supportive comments, but what do I really learn from those, I mean of course I'm grateful, but backslapping has limited value. For me, the most valuable comment was the negative one.

What had I done, on Instagram, a curated snapshot of my life, to make this person be shocked that I'd made this request? How did they perceive me? Did I appear to be someone that despised the 'benefits culture', the 'scroungers', did I appear to be someone that keeps on silently battling through life never complaining or burdening others with my woes?

Looking back through my feed, its clear I'm very open and honest, but perhaps not in the most positive way I could be. I complain a lot about others, and I'm really Mr Judgmental. I wonder how many of you give me a by-ball because I'm mostly a good guy but sometimes wish I'd shut up and stop moaning. I'm always fascinated by the anthropological aspect of social media. I have made a lot of judgement errors with people on it. Thought I was connecting HUGELY when actually, because its such a 'safe place' where block is the answer, I think we sometimes lose our ability to self adjudicate our thoughts and actions. Are we different people on Instagram, than we are in 'real' life? Do we consequently perceive people differently on social media?

How can we not? As I've said a couple of times, its a curated space, you don't see the full on Dickhead Nick for starters, you see the Nick I want you to see. The man that paints his nails, has produced two gorgeous daughter and has a gorgeous wife, only does interesting things with his family and has a massive social conscience. Well that;s only part of me (albeit a large part). I strive to show the whole me, warts'n'all, but its difficult.

So, thanks to my dissenter on Instagram the other day, you got me thinking.


  1. lucy Sutton-Johanson5 May 2016 at 15:49

    I wouldn't give it too much thought - there's always one ass wipe �� most people will have compassion and want to help. Me and dan were so uncomfortable crowd funding for his operation but at the end of the day all you're doing is giving people the option to help. It's very brave to ask and I wish more people did. I hope things improve for you guys xxx

    1. Thanks Lucy you're so SO kind. We thought long and hard about asking, but we feel vindicated by the reaction. And thank You SO much for your gift.

  2. Hey nick, this is Vicky from that old craft group you and Becca used to come to. I wish I could contribute, but not doing great myself. Anyway, fuck those haters for sure. You 2 are the most thoughtful people I've met in my entire life.x

    1. Thanks Vicky - what a lovely thing to say! Hope youre doing well wherever you are!x